


moving forward

by freedomqueen



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergence, Character Study, Erwin Smith - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Other, Sort Of, mentions of - Freeform, moblit berner - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-19 00:34:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29498886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freedomqueen/pseuds/freedomqueen
Summary: Canon divergence | Takes place somewhere after the Survey Corps return from Shiganshina and before the audience with Paradise government.***In the solitude of their new commanders’ private rooms –momentarily deprived of stamina and recovering from their eye injury– Hange’s resolve cracks, if only for the briefest of moments. In his own peculiar way, Levi is there to keep his commander company.
Relationships: BroTP - Relationship, Levi & Hange Zoë, Levi/Hange Zoë, eruri, if you squint at it - Relationship, mobuhan - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	moving forward

**Author's Note:**

> How did this happen?! Well… Hange did- then LeviHan, then MobuHan… then… Okay, no, that’s just it (at moment). I’m trying to cope with S03E18, well, with the whole Return to Shiganshina arc, so bear with me. 
> 
> Thank you [@Book_Fairy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Book_Fairy) for kindly accepting to beta-read this work! ♡ And to [@Pyrophuria](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/12427128/) for your final contributions, they were super useful. Fingers crossed for no technical difficulties next time ;-) 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading the story as much as I enjoyed writing it (right, enjoy, that’s one way to say it... *insert broken heart emoji here*)

* * *

_“HANGE-SAN!”_

They felt a sharp shove on their back, sending them down the well. Their name was the only thing they could hear while they kept falling... and falling… and falling. Nothing but a suffocating, never ending pitch-blackness surrounded them.

_“HANGE-SAN!”_

Gravity shouldn’t allow it, but still, somehow, they turned in the air, only to catch a glimpse of the desperate look in his hazel eyes, corroded by the terrifying yellow flashes of lighting emanating from Bertholdt.

_No. Not Bertholdt._ _That damn Colossal Titan._

A voice at the back of their mind kept telling them they _should have known better_ –they were the _Commander_ of the Survey Corps. Hange was supposed to be responsible for the lives that were entrusted to them, weren’t they? Just like Erwin had been before them, like had been Sadies before Erwin, and the many that came before in the military chain of command.

They turned and barely managed to grab him by his forearm, dragging him down into the well with them –they were both falling into darkness. The air surrounding them was too hot, burning their skin. The air was knocked out of Hange’s lungs when their back hit the cold ground, their hand extended towards the yellow greenish sky.

They had been holding onto nothing –onto _no-one_.

There wasn’t any weight on their front, preventing them from breathing properly. There wasn’t any warmth against their sore body. Their shaking hand remained extended towards where the sky was supposed to be. But there was only darkness now, not even the lightning. Just loneliness.

Hange screamed.

“Shit! Hange!” Levi shouted while trying to pin the commander down to bed. “ _Hange_ wake up!” He shook them, resisting the urge to slap them, to wake them up.

When Levi’s low voice trickled into their ears, their movements stopped. They could feel the captain’s strong, steady fingers closing around their arms, grounding them in reality. It almost hurt, which was good because that meant they were alive. Or had they imagined it all? The basement? Humanity outside the walls? 

“Hange,” Levi insisted while arranging the pillows for them to sit up in bed.

Hange’s breathing slowed down. Barely. Memories of way too recent days invaded their mind.

They would not cry.

They nodded, acknowledging Levi’s presence, their head bowed, resigned. The gesture caused the excruciating pain where their eye was supposed to be to spread to their whole head, the beast awoken once more. It felt as if their head was going to crack open.

“ _Oi_ ,” the captain growled, voice low, “calm down, or you’re going to pass out, _again_ , not-shitty-glasses.”

It hurt. It _hurt_ that Levi felt the need to be there for them when they woke up and even attempt a stupid joke. Or was just their head throbbing in pain?

“Erwin’s dead,” Hange said quietly, as if checking the facts. “We took the Colossal Titan. Armin was dying. You chose _him_ , so Erwin could rest.”

There was no accusation in their voice. Levi nodded and sat on a chair next to the bed, Hange figured that was where he was until they woke up, his hands curling into fists over his lap.

The captain’s words echoed in their mind: _He had no choice but to become a devil. It was us who wished for that. And in the end, when he had finally been set free from hell, we wanted to bring him back once more. But I think… it’s time to let him rest._

“Reiner escaped. So did the Cart Titan. And the Beast.”

Levi gave another silent nod. They knew he was waiting for something else but it was too painful to say it out loud. The pain in their head kept pounding just as steady as their heartbeat.

A grim reminder that they were alive and others weren’t.

“Moblit died,” they finally managed. “Shit. Moblit died to save me,” they say, hatred and regret tinged their voice.

“Hange,”

“Stop saying my stupid name!” They burst out and immediately after, hissed in pain, hand grabbing their head as if that way they could stop the pain from spreading.

Was it really the head though? Or were the losses of their comrades? Was Levi’s awful yet endearing attempt at comfort?

“How did we get here?”

How did they get to their private rooms? How did they get _there_ at all? Where was there? How did Erwin and Moblit end up dead? How did their comrades keep dying, time and time again? And how did they keep living, time and time again?

Erwin’s caring voice –from years ago– echoed in their mind: _We die trusting the living who follow to find meaning in our lives! That is the sole method in which we can rebel against this cruel world._ Hange could still picture Erwin’s stupidly hopeful smile as he spoke, raising his glass for Hange and Levi to join his toast.

It wasn’t fair that they were supposed to find meaning in Erwin’s death though. Why didn’t he bother to explain that bit?

“You need to rest,” the captain got up to leave, only to be stopped in his tracks by Hange’s quiet, broken voice.

“We’re the only ones left, Levi,” Hange said, their voice breaking. Their hands were tugging at the blanket, knuckles white.

With their face still cast down, they could hear Levi’s steps coming back to sit on the chair. However, Hange didn’t expect to feel Levi’s hand on top of theirs. If the circumstances were different they might have shrieked at the unexpected gesture. It was Levi Ackerman after all.

But Erwin was dead.

And Moblit was dead.

Weren’t they supposed to be used to that? Losing. Dying, saying farewell. Living. Living? Feeling guilty about surviving.

Hange felt a drop of water scurrying through Levi’s grasp into their own hand. It couldn’t be a tear, not from Levi. But again, if circumstances were different, Erwin would be alive. Moblit would be alive.

So it could perfectly be a tear. One single tear.

The words they had told Mikasa repeated in their mind.

_No matter who it is, there comes a day to say farewell. I know it’s impossible, but you have to accept this. There will be times you can’t keep your sanity. It’s tough. Very tough._ I know _. But even so, we have to keep moving forward._

Hange Zoë would move forward.

For Erwin. For Moblit. For her reluctant yet faithful friend, Levi.

It would hurt. It would hurt like hell. Hange’s heart hurt inside their chest, but they would move forward. Because their heart wasn’t theirs anymore. Since they joined the Survey Corps, they have dedicated it.

Yes, Hange, 14th Commander of the Survey Corps, would move forward. They didn’t have much of a choice, because the fight wasn’t over.

***********

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and/or comments are always welcome –coddle fanfic writes :) it doesn’t hurt.


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